how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
