Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
