One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize