my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
