My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
