i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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