I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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