first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
