since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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