go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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