I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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