When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
