forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wish you could order shots online.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
