She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
