He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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