Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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