he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
