we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My legs feel like baby dolphins
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
