I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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