I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
