I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
