The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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