his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize