Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
