apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
