sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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