So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize