We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
