Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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