Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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