I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
