I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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