I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
