I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
