Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
