I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
