the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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