How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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