I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
