I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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