worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
