Already got asked if we're dating
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
