Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
