Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
