I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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