Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
