I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Small penises have feelings too.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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