oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
