$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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