were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
