An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
