Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
