Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We need a shit load of segways right now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize