My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
