you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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