How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
