Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
