She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
