You're so nebulous sometimes
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
