Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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