It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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