I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
