Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
