just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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