Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
