D3 body, D1 cock
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize