At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
