Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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