I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
