no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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