You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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