i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
