I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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