I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
