How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
