Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
