That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am naked and annoyed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize