You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
