:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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