why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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