yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
