It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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