The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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