Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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