my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize