Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
