i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
