You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
