I've blown a few things in my day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
