U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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