I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
