period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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