I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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