ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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